Kyan gani!
Chai!
The
way small madam and her bobo dey fire gun for her papa and mama bed ehn, chai!
The sound dem dey make alone sef dey give me kongi for my duty post talk less
of when I dey watch the blue film for my cinema – the block I put on top my Mai
Guard bench close to them window, them no dey shame, them dey leave window open
like big madam gap-tooth. No wonder say at my age I dey wake up with, er...
wetin them dey call am again? Yes! 'Wet dreams'! Na so! My potential pikin go
dey pour waste comot for my thing. The only time wey I come want make e work –
when I nack my Otepu apako to impregnate am, so she no go waka leave me, comot
with that yaga yaga Yoruba yahoo boy, Mutiu, – e no work o! Ba ya aiki.
Every
morning I wake up with the same matter, same tori: which side of bed Oga go
wake? Walahi! My life go simple if I just know which side. Na the side wey e
wake na im go show the car wey I suppose wash and the one I no suppose wash;
how I go cut flower; when I fit on the generator ko when I suppose wake for morning. I remember the day wey he fight
with big madam wey she lock am outside house. ‘Iron Lady’! Ha-ha, yeye man, I
no fit laugh. That night sha, na inside Jeep he sleep and when me wake for 6
say make I go on generator, instead of make generator on, na Oga dirty slap
light my face. All the vex wey he vex from night till morning na im e pour for
my face. When I ask am wetin I do, he talk say I wake for six, say shey I no
know say e too early? Say na so my waka for early morning dey disturb am like
alarm wey e no fit kill. After that day waka pass like tolotolo, I wake for six-thirty,
e talk say me I wake too late, say I no make am ready for the meeting wey he
get for eight o’clock. He come tell Caro, the house girl, my own person, say
make she no give me food till evening. Chai! I don suffer! Abeg wetin be 6,
wetin be 6:30? Tsk-tsk. They don dey follow oga for dat Senator place wey e dey
work. Anyway sha, na God wan kuku judge am, na why He give am bad pikin be
that.
I
dey always hear say only pikin dey spoil, I no believe am till I see the
correct tins my small madam dey do. At 18 years, her bed don spoil finish sote
na her parents bed she dey use do stadium. From one small boy to another; from
Carrot Jean to Boot-cut bobo, she just dey change them like cloth she dey put
for body. The cloth she dey wear nko? Cloth wey fit make maye curse himself; wey fit make Reverend Father forget holy creed;
wey fit make mahaukaci well; wey fit
make Senator forget im salary and allowee; wey fit make Dame sabi oyinbo pass
me; wey even fit make my Oga, e remain small, forget say na him be her papa.
Cloth wey fit make me, Kundili, piss for body. Kai! I still fit remember the day
well well, why I no go remember the day wey put my life for wheel chair, na my
room I dey jeje dey hear that small boy wey name im album after woman toto.
Just wait; no make your blood hot, I go reach there soon. My tori no get head,
e no get tail, e be like this world wey we dey, all join.
But
I don try for my small madam o! Na me dey help am with all the party she dey do
for house. Na me be DJ, cleaner, bouncer, comedian sef na me. Abi dem think say
I no know when dem go dey laugh me and my oyinbo. Waka! If not for that Oga Musa,
wey dey carry us go farm for im farm, vide
maimako make e dey teach us for class. Shege!
Anyway, na the money she dey give me I dey use buy extra Claro, condom and
Burukutu for Mama Sikira Joint. So two cut two, me no fit vex. Some of im
friends ehn, dem dey make me vex sometimes. Ba
su da hankali fa. That her last bobo, the one wey put me for the kasala wey
big pass my head, Benson, na im I hate pass. Dem no know say if no be me, hmmm,
Tonto tori for don long pass her papa tribal mark. Na me dey help her enter
house, for night, when she come back from party for town. Na me dey clean im
vomit and im car before im mama and papa wake for morning. If no be for me,
Oga and big madam for done kill her finish, she for don turn spoil Kilishi. But, if
I sabi wetin she be wan use me do that day ehn, I for hold my ‘piss’ say no
sharp sharp. See my life now, na inside cold room wey dey smell of piss I dey,
dey count my broken eggs.
That
day, the one wey I piss for body; wey small madam turn me to ‘nonentity’, ‘scallywag’
like Oga dey call am, I dey my room dey joli the only time I fit – afternoon,
when I hear ‘koko koko’ for my dormot. I say ‘who it is’, she say ‘Tonto’. I
stand up sharp sharp say ‘come in’ with small shock for my face. With all the parol
wey we dey do, she never take leg waka come my room before. Amma as she enter all that comot for my
mind cak; my body turn leaf for
harmattan – e dry, dey shake, dey do ‘kra kra’ for mouth like er…co-o-ornflaes.
My body cold for outside, blood dey hot for inside. I no sabi when sweat begin
comot for my body as my heart no gree rest like antelope wey Lion dey chase for
back. Na im red ‘kokoka’ shoe my eye first see, sote my eye reach im skirt wey
near im dawawu like dem yaga yaga politicians
dey to money – hell fire kind. The only thing wey I fit see for d shirt wey she
wear be the two Orisa wey big pass Caro wrap of semo. I no see again before my
mouth begin misfire as I say ‘W-w-what does you want’. She no even answer me,
she just dey near me with her witch eyes wey fit turn Peter, that oyinbo wey
sabi book well well, wey dey come greet Oga for house, to mumu. Until I begin
dey feel my piss dey fall for my sakwato,
she no stop. The time wey she use rape my shaky-shaky lips, the only thing wey
remain for my mind na picture of me and Tonto inside Oga room dey do kerewa. Na
like say she do me jazz. Walahi, I no remember anything after. Something wey I
suppose put for mind till I waka comot for dis life, wey suppose dey gimme
ogbonge wet dream for inside this cold room wey I dey – me, correct babe, one
bed or one floor; e no matter – all I remember na say my zip tear, im cloth sef
tear, my John Thomas rise and we fall.
Na
fall we fall like fa’duwar rana, but
the next rana no meet me for Senator
and Mrs Sylva house or any place wey fit resemble house o! Hmm!
Three
things happen after I reach small madam London. One: I hear Tonto dey shout,
dey cry ‘yay’ ‘ah’ ‘rape’ ‘Kundili’ as Oga motor do ‘pinpinpin’ for gate. I
still dey floor, take my hand dey rub belle. Two: my eye blind, Oga bodyguard
and security rush me with blow sote I hear my mouth say na me do am.
Hmm,
guess where I dey now.
Yes!
Correct!
Prison.
Uku:
them talk say Tonto don get belle, say na me get pikin. But that mahaukaci wey them dey call Benson come
Kuje today give me rice chop, say Tonto want make I chop make I no suffer. He
siddon tell me the last tori for the matter. He say, Tonto belle na im own, h’m,
say Tonto just wan find blame put for person head, my head. Say me be mugu. But
no be there the mahaukaci finish, e
finish when he finish me, mugu. As he standa, he shine im teeth for my face say
Tonto put guba for the food. I look
am, e laugh, waka comot.
Shege!
©
@IdiAce
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